How God Fights Our Battles: My Journey with Cancer
In 2011, I was suffering with an ear infection that had been reoccurring for over six months. I had been to the Dr on several occasions and received antibiotics, but it just kept coming back.
Finally, one morning in October, I headed back to the Dr’s office for yet another appointment. While there, my records indicated I had not had any blood work done in over a year. So, I had blood drawn and was given another prescription for antibiotics and sent on my way.
Within 2 hours I received a call from the Dr. I’d just seen, advising she had made an appointment for me with the oncologist that afternoon. Then she sternly said, “You need to keep this appointment”. I questioned her why I was going to see an oncologist and she told me my white blood cell count was out the roof and I needed to see the oncologist immediately.
My husband and I arrived for the appointment later that afternoon. The oncologist said by the looks of my blood work, his first guess was leukemia. From that point, I did not hear anything else he had to say. I was in shock. I had gone that morning to the Dr to check an ear infection and here I was a few hours later with cancer?
In the days that followed, I had more testing and it was confirmed I had Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. The kicker was, my mother had the same thing and she had passed away in 1994 from complications of the disease.
There was a year of ‘watch and wait’, which is common with this type of leukemia. January of 2012, I started six months of chemo, two treatments a month. The good news is, I went into remission!
During the months I was in treatment, I was given a book to read. I wish I could remember who gave it to me and the title. Regardless, it was written by a man who had cancer and was very sick. But he said something in that book that really made me stop and re-evaluate my mental attitude.
He said, in essence, I don’t know why I have this cancer, but I’ve asked God that I not waste this opportunity to witness to others about His faithfulness and love.
I thought about that statement a lot. I realized I had spent far too much time worrying and fretting over myself, not knowing what the future held. But when I read that line, I knew I had a choice to make. I could continue to dwell on my circumstances and walk in fear or change my outlook to look outward and help others. I decided to look outward.
I continued to work after treatments. Three years later I retired from where I had been employed for 30 years and took on another fulltime position. Everything was going really well. I felt good and I was deeply vested in my new calling. So, I guess you could say, I kind of forgot about the book and the author’s statement.
Let me explain that better. Since I was in remission, since I felt so good, since I was so involved in my new job, I wasn’t making the deliberate effort to witness to those going through similar circumstances.
Don’t get me wrong…I was still spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ, but it was different from when I was in crisis.
Fast forward ten years to this past March. I went in for my normal 3 month check up with my oncologist. For the first time since my treatments, my blood work was not good. To say I was shocked is an understatement. My leukemia had reared its ugly head again.
So much had changed since 2012. My husband had passed away. I had to sell the property and move. I had retired from my 2nd career. And now to confront this monster again, was overwhelming.
At first, I felt desperately alone. Even though I have a very supportive family and friends, with my husband gone, I felt I was the only one facing the battle this time. And that scared me.
But it wasn’t long before God brought me to my senses. He also brought to my remembrance that statement in the book…don’t let me waste this experience of cancer, but let me be a witness to God’s love and faithfulness in spite of it. It gave me peace and it reminded me of the power of God’s Word and the witness I could be for others.
With the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I try to live my life showing God’s goodness and faithfulness, regardless of what I may be facing. God was not caught off guard by the reoccurrence of my cancer. He knows all the details of my life, from my past to my present and my future. The realization of that gives me hope and strength to trust Him fully.
So, in looking back on all this and towards my future, I’ve decided if God does not do another thing for me, He has done far more than enough. The greatest gift of all is He sent His Son to die for me so I didn’t have to pay the penalty for my sins. Then God raised Him from the dead so I could live forever with Him in heaven. And that, my friends, is the perfect healing.
God has given us such a privilege when He told us to go out into the world and tell the Good News. What an honor! My desire, in spite of what this life throws at me, is when others see me, they see Jesus. Not fear, not uncertainty, not doubt, just Jesus. I choose to live as one with hope. I live my life, not my disease.
No, it’s not always easy, but He walks side by side with me wherever I go, every day. And together, we face what each day brings.
I pray today He brings someone to cross your path and mine, that we can bless because of the hope in which we live…Jesus.
“Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone
asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it.”